I hate everyone... including me

[chrsry]

The beginning bit I felt I should include since I was listening to the Say Anything song. I also apologise for not posting for so long and then expecting people to sympathetic and give advise towards me. Although that's not what I expect, feel free to call me a cunt if you so wish.

My problem really is, that I see no good in me and I really don't see why people want to know who I am. I'm just depressed with my life and myself. I feel I need to change and be a better person but I lack the will. I literally don't know how to change. I just feel like I don't do anything to benefit anyone, whilst at the same time feeling like I'm doing so much for everyone else. I can't explain it. I'm in two minds. I'm not a bad person but I just don't feel like I'm a good person and that people/friends wouldn't miss me around if I wasn't there. All I seem to do is smoke weed and get drunk to hide from the fact that inside I am so insecure about myself and the way people perceive me to be. I dunno, I've always felt I'm one who doesn't care how people perceive me to be but underneath I hate myself and who I am.

This is more of a rant, I needed to get this out there so I could at least feel like I have gotten this off my chest. I didn't know where else to put this.

[..Dan..]

Hey, I don't know you at all but speaking from experience this is how I see it.

Get off the weed, or at least use it more rationally, if you want to make changes in your life then the last thing you should be doing is smoking cannabis all the time, seems like you're quite paranoid about a lot of things (getting pissed a lot doesnt help either). Clear your head, look at what you want and start making aims a step at a time, achieve those aims and then move onto bigger and better ones.

I had a friend like you, he did nothing with himself from the ages of 16-19 cos all he wanted to do was smoke weed all day in the week and get mashed on weekends, now he is 24 and in the RAF doing very well for himself, hasnt touched weed since, drinks socially and is such a better person for it.

I don't mean to sound a dick, but life is what you make it. I'm aware this is a rant but realising your issues is the first step towards making changes, I hope you can for the sake of you!

[chrsry]

Thanks for the advice mate, I realise the one thing I should do at least is stop smoking weed. It is not helping at all.

[..Dan..]

I mean I always feel hypocritical telling people to stop smoking weed because I do myself but I probs smoke on average once or twice a week, sometimes less and even then it will be just a couple shared with friends, so I know the balance is right and I never crave smoking up at home on my own.

Just try and get off it altogether and see how it goes, yeah I'm sure it won't always happen (esp in social situations) but if you can get off doing it just for the sake of doing it, it's a start.

[chrsry]

Yeah, I mean I smoke all the time but I don't feel it's changed me, or the way I am. I don't really crave a zoot or anything like that. I feel like smoking a few spliffs and having a few beers just makes me forget about everything I hate about myself and the world. I thank you for your advice too, thanks for taking the time to give it.

[Undies]

It sounds like you need to be more positive about yourself and life. Giving yourself positive affirmations may sound lame, and like it doesn't work, but challenging any negative thoughts and replacing them with something positive can change the way your mind works/you think, without you even realising it. Not sure if this is of any help but yeah.

[chrsry]

No, it does help and I thank you. I will do/try that. It can't be worse than taking everything and making it a negative. Thanks very much.

[ron]

less weed, spend time outside, see friends as much as possible, eat healthy, do something nice for yourself that will make you feel good

[bojangles]

i feel exactly the way you feel about yourself to myself. im a drug addict trying to recover from a history of drugs. i did a lot of drugs over the years and became very addicted to oxy cotton and i just hit my rock bottom this weekend and i feel like shit about everything.

[MSandt]

What do you want to do with your life and why you're not doing it at the moment?

I really don't see why people want to know who I am.
...
 I just feel like I don't do anything to benefit anyone,
...
 people/friends wouldn't miss me around if I wasn't there.

Why do you consider things like that important at all? You should live for yourself and not for others. Even if everyone hated you, you should be okay with that for as long as you're doing what you want to do, assuming you respect the right of others to do the same.

[Dw.]

Why exactly do you hate yourself? What is causing you to feel as if your self-worth isn't important to the world?